Who doesn't know the story of Noah? He's the guy who built the ark and checked all the animals off the list as two by two they marched themselves onto this massive boat before sticking their smiling personified faces out of a porthole as they floated around in the pretty blue waters that covered the earth.

Okay well that's the kids version I'm sure you've heard a time or two at least. The point is we all know who Noah is. As soon as someone mentions "Noah," people think "ark" and "flood." For those of us who grew up listening to this story we know, as we've always known, that Noah built an ark that saved his family and all those furry smiling animals from the flood that destroyed the rest of the world. But that's also a problem. We know the story well enough that the ending is just as certain as the beginning.

We've essentially skipped to the back of the book and read the last chapter already so when we read through the instructions God gives Noah (Genesis 6:14-21), we don't think much of it. Well, maybe some of us have given it a second glance (or listened to Bill Cosby's comedy skit) and recognize that Noah was essentially living in a desert and the thought of a flood, let alone rain, was just absurd so we know it wasn't rainbows and unicorns of joy for Noah to follow these instructions. However that's not the hardest obstacle.

Noah was given instructions by God. Simple, right? He even told Noah why he needed to follow the instructions. Motivation and reason, great! But despite this labor intensive process of following the instructions, God did not give him any sort of a time frame.

Sound familiar?

Okay well I can't speak for you but I can certainly attest, that Noah is not the only one that God has given a plan to without any sense of a time frame attached to it.

God essentially told Noah where he was headed eventually, and gave him a task to do in the mean time. It wasn't until AFTER (6:22 - 7:4) Noah had finished God's instructions that God came, gave him more instructions, and told him any sort of time frame. Not to mention the time frame finally given was such an immeasurably small amount compared to the century that Noah had to clock in before finding that out. A century, folks. That's longer than most of us will even be alive!

I often wonder how many times Noah asked God for a specific, or even a general, time frame. You know, ask God to throw him any kind of scrap of information to help fuel his motivation even just the tiniest bit. Now Noah was ultimately faithful, but I wonder how often he had moments of doubt or even complaint. If he was anything like me...he had quite a few of them.

I like to know the whole picture. I like to know how to get from point A to point B, how long it will take me to get there, and what it will look like when I do get there. But most times I'm not privy to all that information which makes it hard to act on what little information I am given. But then I guess that's the point now isn't it? Cause if I knew all that information, I wouldn't have to act on faith and I probably wouldn't be as focused on God while doing so either.

Our God loves us so very much that He is jealous for us. And you know what? He's allowed to be. He has every right to withhold just enough information from me to force me to act on faith cause, to be quite honest, otherwise my focus would be less on Him and much more on the goings on around me.

Acting on faith isn't easy. But I can tell you you're not alone. Hebrews 11 lists a number of people who had to act by faith. You're probably already well acquainted with their stories and know the ending just as well as you know the beginning, just like God knows the ending to your story just as well as He knows the beginning. But the individual never knows all that information cause it's all about acting on faith.


Hebrews 11:7
"By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household."

I have this habit that whenever I'm told to open up to a specific passage of Scripture my eyes wander to the context of that passage. The great thing is, I'll tell you if you're pulling it out of context. The bad thing is, sometimes I get so distracted by the context that I don't hear what you're saying. ;p

Tonight we opened up to Ephesians 4:17-24. How many times have I heard this passage? A lot. It feels like I can just spit back the verses in a monotone, brainless fashion from hearing them so often: "put off your old self...put on the new self." It's a basic concept, hard to approach with a fresh mind, right? Well, not tonight. :)

Read alone, the passage paints the picture of someone who has a hard and calloused heart, someone who gives in to greed impurity and deceitful desires. In contrast you have someone renewed through the truth of Christ that creates a likeness in righteousness and holiness. Which is all true.

Oh but now take a closer look at the context...

Chapter four begins with the unified body of Christ; "bearing with one another in love," "eager to maintain," "bond of peace," "building up the body," "unity of the faith," and so on until it's climax. In verse sixteen it concludes, "when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." It's about a community that constantly encourages, a community that holds one another together.

Now it opens up into the passage about what the old self looks like; futile, darkness, alienation, ignorance, calloused hearts... It is the picture of an individual. And an individual who gives in to impurities and deceit. So we are urged to put on this new self that is like God.

Now take a look at the rest of the chapter; Ephesians 4:25-32. Verse twenty-five kicks it off perfectly "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another."

It continues on telling us to set aside previous sins, such as anger, thievery, and slander. All sins that tear each other down and obliterates any community. Instead "doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need." And only talk "as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

These two passages properly bookend a passage of contrast between the old self and the new self. While the specific passage in verses seventeen through twenty four may not specifically lay this out, it certainly is an overall concept of the chapter...

The old self is an individual walking in darkness and stumbling in darkness. The renewed self is one who is part of a bigger picture that is the body of Christ; a community. Being a Christian is not about being an individual rightly living for God, it is about being part of a group of people rightly living for God.

So often we hear that 'being a good little Christian' is about behaving this way, living that way, and be nice to those around you. But how accurate is that? Looking at this chapter for what it is (and I assure you it does not stand alone in the scheme of the Bible) being a Christian is not about being an individual. Not even a good individual. It is, however, about being a part of something; something that strengthens, something that urges each other on, something that builds each other up...something called community.

Outside of Christ we are lonely. And in that loneliness we become calloused and give in easily. But in Christ we find community. And in that community we become resistant because we have help from one another.

Now that is a picture worth painting, and a distraction worth having. O:)

There are two songs that I’ve grown a liking to in the past few months. First is Light the Fire In My Heart by Sonicflood. There’s one part that hits me nearly every time because it speaks the honest truth that "Lord You know where I’ve been."

God’s not fooled or ignorant, He knows the truth far beyond the ones I outwardly admit to. He has come face to face with the harsh reality and intensity of where I’ve been because He was listening to every thought and every feeling as they occurred. There is no omission, there is no false justification, and to be honest He knows where I’ve been better than I do because I can push memories aside and refuse to believe them, but He knows. And yet He loves me; no more, no less. It is constant and steadfast.

The holy God that will have nothing to do with sin, remembers where I’ve been far better than I and yet He is quicker to love and forgive myself than I who has such a minuscule aversion to sin by comparison.

It seems illogical that things happen that way, but it’s not. The reason being because of this little thing that churches so easily glaze over, this thing called shame. One of the only times I hear it spoken about is when it is in reference to Adam and Eve.

Shame is not always a bad thing; it’s an honest recognition of wrong doing. But there are only two responses to shame. One response is to run to God in humility. The other is to hide from God and choose to condemn ourselves.

As humans we are so very strange sometimes, as I presume I am not alone in what I’m about to say: Sometimes the thing I fear most is forgiveness. Sometimes I feel better when I am condemned because I understand the gravity of what I’ve done. Grace (being given what I don’t deserve) is often easier to accept than mercy (being protected from what I do deserve).

I think that’s why I let myself carry around my past on my shoulders sometimes. I recall the past and when shame hits, I choose to hide under my own condemnation because I think I still deserve one. Because the truth of the matter is, I do deserve one. But to pass judgment on myself is to disregard the divine mercy of God as if to say that God’s love is not big enough or perfect enough to cover over what I’ve done. ...which is pride.

I remember talking with one of my girls about the burden of one’s past. I told her that, once dealt with before God, only we determine how much we carry into our present. “No, no, no” she protested “these hallucinations won’t go away and they aren’t of my choosing.” Every time my past comes in to haunt me (I may not see my past when I close my eyes but I feel the physical cuts on my skin and hear the voices reminding me I can survive without food) I wish I could remind myself of what I told her: Present reminders are merely the past begging for power because they don’t have it anymore. You still actively choose the weight they will have; dismiss them, laugh at them, listen to them, condemn yourself for them…you decide.

My past only has the weight and power that I give it because the reality of it is Jesus has redeemed and transformed me since then. My past is no comparison, no match, not even a fight worth watching against the power of God. The power of my past can’t touch that transformation. But I can let it infiltrate where I am now. I may choose out of weakness to listen to the torment because it feels easier than overcoming them, but it is still a choice.

But it’s not just about leaving the past behind me. God does not “forgive and forget” ...He forgives and remembers because the beauty is in the knowing where I’ve been. I cannot stand here today, being who I am, without having walked through my life. But oh so more important and spellbinding is that I got to where I am today only because of a love that was bigger than my mistakes.

Which leads me to the second song I’ve grown a liking to, You Are More by Tenth Avenue North. “Cause this is not about what you've done, But what's been done for you, This is not about where you've been, But where your brokenness brings you to.”


My God, my Father, my Pursuer..
You deserve far more than I can offer. I am glad You can smile and find delight in my offering the little that I have; myself. I love You, Lord. Don’t ever let me lose sight of that.

Everyone knows guys are visually stimulated and physically oriented. It is also known that girls are emotionally oriented. But why is it so unknown, or at least undealt with, that girls are audibly stimulated?

Guys rough house to have fun, girls talk to have fun. Guys physically bully one another, girls emotionally terrorize each other. Guys struggle with how girls dress and present themselves, girls struggle with how guys speak to and about them. Girls are capable of seducing guys with their body, guys are capable of seducing girls with what they say to her.

You know all this. None of what I just said should be surprising. So why is this such an understated issue? It has become such common knowledge that to protect our brothers in Christ, girls need to dress and act modestly. With guys, their call to action always seems to be one of respect rather than modesty. It is a request to refrain from perverted jokes and discussion in order to maintain respect rather than objectifying them.

But I wonder, has anyone cautioned them to be prudent in the things they say out of modesty? While the negative talk can be disrespectful, the positive can also be a form of seduction. For a guy to be a sweet talker to a girl is like a girl walking around with immodest clothing. She may be wearing tasteful clothing that so happens to cling or reveal just enough of the wrong things...sometimes she could even do so obliviously.

While I wonder if the guys have been encourages to be prudent even in their positive talk to girls, I mostly wonder how many girls understand and have been cautioned about this. And I fear not enough of them have been.

Human failing is so clear. You see it in the world today; in politics, in war, and in pain. It doesn't take a scholar of theologian to know how imperfect we are. And yet God paints us a picture of it in His Word, and yet He remains.

First God seeks us out. An imperfect person cannot approach a holy God any more than a common servant could approach a king. He wants us, He desires us. But don't be mistaken, He doesn't need us. But He loves us so much He needs to seek us. And as He is God, nothing can stop Him from finding us.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
Psalm 139:11-12

We know that to be heart to heart with a holy God, we won't walk away unchanged. So we cover ourselves and hide. But how silly is that? We choose to walk in darkness remaining blind from truth. Meanwhile God walks about incapable of being blinded by darkness. His night is brighter than our day.

But whom He seeks, He finds. He made us and He knows us. And eventually we stop hiding in the dark. We open our eyes and find Him waiting beside us.

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light to my path.
I have sworn an oath and confirmed it,
to keep your righteous rules.
I am severely afflicted;
give me life, O Lord, according to your word!
Psalm 119:105

He graciously hands us a guide; His living word. We still remain in darkness, but now we have His light. Unfortunately our folly is not over. Now, we sit in the darkness with a lamp. It is because of this lamp we take control of our lives once again. After all we were given a light to see. Since we can see clearly, now we know how to properly control things.

It was I who knew you in the wilderness,
in the land of drought;
but when they had grazed, they became full,
they were filled, and their heart was lifted up;
therefore they forgot me.
Hosea 13:5-6

How ridiculous are we? More specifically, how ridiculous am I? Sure I was given a lamp, but I am not God. I still cannot walk through the night as if it were bright as day. No, my visibility is tied to what this lamp allows me to see. God is the only one who can see everything around me and yet I still like to act as if I have seen the whole picture.

This should have been posted back in January. I knew it should've but I didn't. It was too recent at the time and my pride got in the way. My sincerest apologies. I pray it can still be of some use.

* * *

Everyone knows that people who are anorexic have a fixation on losing weight. There is no other logical option for why someone would choose to starve themselves. So my friends who have a healthy self-esteem are not at risk. If they’re comfortable and happy with their weight, I don’t have to worry about them. Wrong. Wrong. And wrong!

I used to agree with the statements above. If anyone told me that anorexia could be stumbled into unintentionally, I would have looked at them like they had an elephant trunk for a nose. First off because I absolutely loved food, and second because it doesn’t make sense that you could starve yourself without realizing it.

But unfortunately you can, I can, and I did. (Please stop looking at me like that, I promise I don’t have any elephant features.) The same way you stumble into someone walking on a sidewalk, you can stumble into anorexia. It’s a matter of lost focus.

Maybe it’s the phone in your hand, the person you’re talking to, or the annoying person you’re desperately trying to avoid. Whatever the reason, you stumble into something you didn’t mean to because you weren’t focused on the right thing.

So if you’re in a situation where you have any sort of lose of appetite, you are just at risk of anorexia as someone who chooses not to eat. That is, of course, if you aren’t intentional about eating.


Let me explain my story a little:
Like I said, I loved food. A good meal could seriously make my day. Whether it was a cookie, sweet potatoes, or my favorite macaroni salad; food was the best cure.

It wasn't the easiest two weeks of my life; this suburban girl just started commuting into a major city, to a school I didn't know, and without a friend or roommate in the area at the time. Following a 24-hour bug and an anxiety attack that left me in the emergency room, my appetite dropped drastically. It’s not that I hated food, I simply just didn’t think about it. I was living on my own for a couple weeks and so I had no one to eat meals with, I was adapting to a new schedule, and eating just escaped my mind.

A few days later my stomach began to feel funny. Afraid I was getting nauseous and sick again, I ran to the store and grabbed some Tums. In retrospect, I was clearly hungry but at the time my brain no longer understood the feeling.

For the next week I continued eating Tums like candy, preventing any upset feeling in my stomach. Occasionally I would eat some food like a bored person to a bag of chips, but it never really was a conscious decision.

Somewhere along the way it finally came to my attention that I wasn’t consuming what I should be. My guess would be when I as preparing to go on a trip with a bunch of friends and recognizing I needed to plan money for food. Food? I haven’t had much food lately. Wait. Oops.

After bringing it up with my mother she recommended eating a meal bar. These contained the protein I needed, but in small amounts for my stomach. So my new diet: Tums and meal bars.

I was never one to care about weight number. I’ve been the same weight for the past 12 years with very little fluctuation even on and off sport seasons. But I happened to step on a scale one day and WHOA! I haven’t weighed this little since I began weighing myself in middle school. My first thought: this scale is broken. In my head there was no reason for me to have lost that much weight. But alas the scale was proven to be accurate.

The feeling that came over me at that moment were ones 95% of you, the readers, will not understand. You can try, but you won’t really understand. One of my friends, we’ll call her Alexa, had heard this story. Her immediate response to the unintentional weight loss:

“I wish I had your problem.”

She wasn’t alone. Many people I confided in were fruitless in any form of accountability as they proved to respond the same way as her.

Be careful what you wish for. Alexa got exactly what she said she wished for. Alexa had been on some new medication causing a loss of appetite. Knowing how shocked I was to see my weight loss, I eventually got Alexa on a scale.

She stood there staring at the number that appeared before quietly stepping aside, put on her shoes, and walked out of the nurse’s office. Once we got outside, refusing to look at me, she whispered that she can’t remember when her weight was so low. She knew her appetite had decreased a lot over the months, but she was floored to see exactly how much she lost.

After a good conversation she realized she was in the same place I was four months before. It was now that she looked at me and apologized for wanting my problem. She finally understood the gravity of it.

It’s a mix of excitement and guilt. Sure you’re glad you lost weight, but then it hits you that you lost it due to starvation. No, you’re stomach may not have wanted the food but your body needed it. Desperately!

We were now in it together to start eating healthy again. But it’s not so easy as a simple decision. Like going off of greasy foods for months, our bodies didn’t like the feeling of digesting anymore. Often we would eat a small snack and spend the next hour or two on the couch with an ache and pain in our stomachs.

Essentially we were given a slap on the wrist for being kind to a stranger, while given a reward for stealing from a friend. The less we ate, the seemingly happier our bodies were.

It was a long road. Admitting there was a problem wasn’t even half of it. Alexa and I, love food. We always have and we always will. But for a brief time in both our lives, out stomachs couldn’t handle consumption.

While anorexia is no longer an issue for me, continuing to eat healthy amounts of food always will be. From here on out it simply has to be intentional. Like a child learning to ride a bike, you can tuck away what you’ve learned for years but it only takes one ride until you’re back in the game.


Don’t worry, this story has a happy ending. My food consumption is healthy, and my love for food has not died. In fact, I now love cooking food just as much as eating it. And just like every other thing of the past, so long as you recognize how you got to where you were...it’s harder to ‘stumble’ back in that direction ever again.

Intentionality...that’s your strongest prevention tool.



Myths Exploited
1. Anorexia begins with the desperate desire to lose weight
2. Anorexia only effects those with low self-esteem
3. It’s always an intentional choice to not eat food

Society glamorizes and glorifies it to a point where anyone who doesn't take part is often seen as an outcast. It is society's 'right of passage' so to speak. Whether 'everyone's doing it' is true or not, everyone is in fact expected to take part.

How are Christians supposed to respond to this message when God clearly states that sex outside of marriage is wrong? What do you do when teaching the unmarried about sex? Do you tell them what a beautiful thing it is, they just can't have it right now? Or do you tell them how bad of a thing it is if they have it right now?

While sex is not inherently wrong it is outside of marriage, and over the centuries the church has tried to grapple with how to address this issue. Today, America's Christian culture has decided to side with teaching sex as a hands off issue. Most of the churches, however, will have the sense to clarify that it is only 'hands off' outside of marriage, but sadly that is not always so.

It's understandable to teach it that way. It's even a biblical truth. But does that mean we're approaching it correctly?

By the age of ten, probably even younger now, a child growing up in the church knows that sex outside of marriage is a big no no. But all of that negative teaching resonates over the years. Yes it's wrong out of the context of marriage, but it is right within the context of marriage. Where are those lessons?

Sure, it's a fine line you're walking on with that because you then cause curiosity (and we all know what killed the cat). Which is why most churches put those lessons few and very very far between. My guess is that is why God put Song of Solomon in the Bible. He knew somewhere along the way we would have issues and misconceptions that sex was bad altogether and He wanted to assure us how inaccurate that is.

My goodness, for growing up in the church I have yet to hear more than one...ONE lesson on that book of the Bible. After all, it's considered to be the book you read only when you're married. *insert eyes rolling here*

But, as Jesus always did, I like to look for a third seemingly unknown option.

Instead of teaching that sex is good in the context of marriage, and that it is bad outside of the context of marriage, I propose we teach that it is absolutely beautiful ONLY in the context of marriage. And it would probably come out something like this:


Sex is like a good joke in that a good joke can make anyone laugh. A good joke can be shared and enjoyed whether you understand the meaning or not. Sex is like that. We were made to enjoy it. Anyone in or out of marriage, can find pleasure in it.

But.

Even though a good joke can make everyone laugh, the beauty of it's complexity is only fully understood and enjoyed by someone who understands the entire context of the joke. And according to those people who fully comprehend and enjoy the joke, those who missed it's context missed out on the entire joke overall; whether they happened to laugh or not.

Sex is no different. Yes, it is pleasurable to everyone, but its complexity and beauty is only understood in marriage. To skip marriage and just reach for sex's pleasure is to read the final page in a very gripping book. While sex outside of marriage is wrong...it's mostly foolish.

God has reasons behind why things are wrong. And the reasoning behind this is one is because outside of marriage it gives you such a degraded view of sex. You only get to see .5% of it's beauty, and you're tricked into thinking that's all there is to it. And, quite simply, that breaks His heart.

So the bottom line:
God wants you to wait because He doesn't want you to sell yourself short.

The water in the creek was just cool enough to mask me from the heat of the sun, the trees danced in the wind, and the birds sung in a conversational chorus. Like nature's percussion I heard the rustling of leaves as I follow the bends of that small gem of a creek. Moments later the sounds of children laughing floated in with the breeze as the cheerful voices grew louder. And then I saw it. The gentle elevating cliff like a lip alongside the water. All of a sudden a young girl and boy wove in and out of the treeline, chasing one another with joy.

There I was, long blonde hair pulled back into two adorable pony tails with ribbons that matched my school dress. And little freckle faced Jimmy running close behind, still clinging helplessly to his school books. He never was able to keep up with me. Oh, but that scrawny kid always tried.

I suppose if you were to ask him he would say that he was always able to tag me, and he would say it with such an air of certainty you would know he believed it himself. Nothing was ever impossible to little Jimmy. That ginger haired kid would have told you he could jump to the moon, knowing for sure that he could if only he would try.

Our parents didn't like it much, our constant trips to the creek after school, they would always scold us for coming home in our school clothes sopping wet. It was the rope swing we loved so much that got us in trouble, we simply couldn't resist it on a warm spring day.

Little Jimmy's parents often gave him a stern look telling him he should know better and then gave him a pat on the back as they shrug it off and forgot. Mine however were positively cruel. Their favorite punishment was to revoke the privilege of choosing a treat when we went to visit the local sweet shop. Watching my sisters pine over choosing the Crunchie bar or the new Mars Bar was the worst. However, their best efforts did little to prevent Jimmy and I from returning to that beloved creek again the next week.

Little Jimmy and I, we had so many adventures. One summer we stole some twine from the old farmhouse and made a small raft out of sticks and twigs. When finished Jimmy insisted on being the captain so he could stand up tall using a branch to steer and push us along when the current was slow. The proud smirk he wore on his face would have you believing he owned the land. Though I don't know if he ever noticed the small branch I had by my side at all times helping him move us along. Come to think of it, it probably would have broken that little kid's heart if he did.

Oh, the stories we shared together.

But little Jimmy and I never spent time together past those childhood school days, for little Jimmy never grew up. He left us, his family and I, long before his time. Or at least that's what I had been told by so many adults trying to make a little girl feel better. It was known as the town tragedy, the event no one spoke of after that fateful summer.

But little Jimmy will forever be remembered as Little Jimmy; always smiling and always on another adventure to save the world. He truly thought he could do anything. And the way I remember it, he could have.


"Shelly is here to see you ma'am." A voice brought me away from the woods to a small stuffy room that made me itch from imaginative oppression.

"Wh--" is all I could make out. I don't even remember what my mouth was trying to say, but it didn't work. The bridge between my mind and my mouth collapsed long ago. My mind still trying to linger in the woods by the creek.

Thankfully my bewildered eyes must have communicated my confusion to the woman because this time she threw the words from her mouth like a shout, even though it came out as a whisper, "Ma'am. Kelly is here to see you." Her head nodded with each slow syllable as her eyes starred straight into mine ensuring the message got through.

Kelly? That name brought up images like a slideshow of a blonde haired woman with a smile in her eyes. But I couldn't remember. She looked so familiar but no matter how hard I tried to recall why I knew her, I simply couldn't place her.

The visitor walked into the room; blonde hair, brown eyes, and a timidity to her step. With flowers and a balloon in hand she stepped towards me but instead of the smile from my memory, concern filled her eyes.

As she placed the wildflowers by my bed and let the balloon soar to the ceiling, she grasped my hand in love. And with a raised voice, as quiet as the last, she forced a half smile on her face and said, "Happy Birthday, Mom."

The end of the world has been in much discussion as of late; among Christians, atheists, agnostics and more. It's the whole May 21st prediction that has everyone buzzing.

The common thread I keep hearing is that the world can end whenever, just "Let me find my [spouse]...then I'll be fine." That's all anyone seems to care about whether they believe in rapture, global warming, or a huge asteroid blowing up the earth.

Naturally I am both irked, intrigued, and slightly ashamed. Irked because everyone likes to think of marriage as a climactic happily ever after. Intrigued because the world focuses on one's value coming mostly from their career...and yet in the end all that matters is a spouse. And ashamed because I cannot claim to say I've never thought the same thing.

As I wondered how a workaholic could be explaining to me that the only true thing on his bucket list was to have a spouse...he unknowingly answered my question; "If I'm gonna die, I guess I would rather do it knowing that there was someone out there that I truly love, and loves me back."

Love.

That's all people want. It's not cultural, it's human. And it is entirely natural. It also goes much deeper than that. We desire love. Perfect love. The only sad part to that story is that kind of love can only be found one place, and it's not where we're looking for it. But the best part to the story is that perfect love is found in someone who already loves me, you...us! God's love. The one and only, and overly sufficient love of God is what we need and desire.

So while someday I hope to experience the love that comes with marriage...Father take me when you wish, cause I already have the only love I need. Thank you!

In my yard stands a tree and it's branches are at perfect height for climbing. It even has a few branches that dip just at the right spot to form a perfect lounge seat for me. But it's bark peels off on it's own, and its branches look slightly too weak for climbing.

I love climbing trees, but if it's not safe I'd much rather sit and read in the grass. So I did what any sensible person would do, I called up an expert.

The landscaper showed up at two-thirty for our three o'clock appointment. Surprising, I know. But I didn't mind. He examined the lawn briefly and told me not to worry, the grass was harmless. He kind of chuckled at my worries, finding me far too paranoid, but continued on with his work.

He began examining the tree; he walked around it, measured it, touched it, even tasted a piece of it's bark. I didn't ask. I figured he had some strange reasoning.

"She's a beauty alright. But she's not supposed to be here. Winter weather's taking a toll on her, it's a wonder she even survived this long. Being so close to your house it's not safe, we're going to have to-

"Don't cut it down! Maybe...trim some branches?"

The concern in his voice deepening. "Look ma'am, she's a beauty she is. But you're too close to her. One more tough winter and this tree is falling down, probably taking your house with it."

A moment of silence held on for a few minutes before a deep sigh escaped from my lungs. "You know, you're right. It needs to go. Beautiful as it is, I just can't risk that. It needs to go."

"I know a guy, he can take care of it. I can make a quick phone call and it'll be gone as quick and painless as ripping off a bandaid."

Upon agreeing the man gave me a stern look. "I know you don't want to see it go, but it's beauty is not worth the danger. Trust me."

"Yeah I know. I'm sad to see it go, but I know it needs to happen. Make the phone call."

His stern look, now so intense, like a father watching his child make a life long mistake.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Am I not supposed to get rid of it just yet? Maybe I should wait. I knew it didn't feel right. Nature will take it when it's meant to go. Right?"

His face softened as he stepped towards the tree. "No, you made the right decision. The tree needs to-"

"Then why did you give me that look? You're confusing me! Can you just tell me what I should do? No double meaning, no hints, just say what you mean. I can't deal with trying to read between the lines and figure out what you're saying. It's impossible, you know? One way or the other, it goes or it doesn't. It's as simple as that. I'll do whatever you say without question...if you just come right out and SAY it!"

The man waited patiently, never trying to interrupt. He was listening, but I didn't notice. All I saw was the smile on his face, seemingly mocking me as he stated, "This tree is not supposed to be here. I tried to say that but you didn't-"

"I was listening! I told you to take it down, and yet you did nothing. You're guy should have been here to rip out the tree by now, isn't that what you said? So why isn't he here?!"

"That is exactly what I said." He gave a slight pause and continued walking until he was right next to me, reaching out his arm. "But before it can go, you need to climb down."

Here I am, sitting down beside you. My back is straight my legs are crossed and my hands sit restfully in my lap. I am stone still beside you. Alive, but not moving. Everything seems as it should be. And, to be honest, it is. But if you were to look closer, straight into my eyes, you would see that things are different than you'd expect. I may be seated next to you, but that is not where I am.

Don't be alarmed, things are exactly as they should be. My thoughts are currently curled into the side of my Father like a child afraid of the unknown lurking in their dark bedroom at night. My body may shake of uncertainty, but my safety is so lovingly reassured.

It is here that I pray:

You have placed these paths in front of me;
One to choose and one to leave behind.
Tears have been shed in exchange for clarity
Yet the balance holds gold and feathers equally.

My feet hold stronger than concrete
They cannot move in opposites.
Though my hand is tightly in Your grasp
I am assured I cannot stray from Here.

Strength and patience dissipate
My mind aches in strain.
A deep sigh of relief within,
I have nothing left but You.

Long have I pleaded guidance
To make clear the better choice.
A new request varies as east from west;
Disregard past prayers and pleas.

Each side of the fork share different joys,
How do I choose diamonds from crystals?
Let me not simply smile at either,
Allow me the strength to walk away from both.

Hesitancy is bred in thoughts of leaving behind
It fears drowning the soul in 'What if?'
If on the right and the left hesitancy is surpassed,
The cuffs binding certainty may be released.

You make it clear which paths not to tread
It is the good and right that I fear choosing.
One to choose, one to leave behind,
I only seek to find that I need neither.

Beside You I could go anywhere,
I am merely limited to one.
You are my refuge and my solace,
I cannot go wrong beside You.

Here in Your arms I find peace;
Rest for the weary and power for the weak.
It is here that I remain;
Calm in uncertainty and confident in choice.

I am sitting next to you on the bench soaking up the sunshine. I may smile and say hi, carry on some small talk. But all the while my thoughts remain curled up there with my Father. They will be for a couple days now but like I said "things are exactly as they should be."

Life, with it's ups and downs, is a roller coaster. You've heard the analogy, you know it's true. Now let me explain to you one more aspect of that analogy that rings true as well.

For those of you who have ever experienced the thrill of a roller coaster ride you know there are two general reactions. First you have the fear stricken who grasps to the seat questioning why on earth they even got on the ride. And second you have the enthusiast seeking to enjoy every moment with their arms up high.

I've been both.

When you go through the ride with eyes closed tight and knuckles white from hanging on, you can't enjoy it. Well, not fully. Instead you're too full of fear at what might happen that you don't get the thrill.

Meanwhile the person next to you is fully trusting and waves their arms in the air from start to finish to gain the entire experience of the thrill. They trust the seat to hold them and keep them safe that they aren't relying on their ability to hold tight. Their ride is pure enjoyment whether they're climbing the hill, thrown through a loop, or headed full speed downhill.

All it comes down to is a decision; are you going to surrender to the ride in trust to enjoy the entire ride, or are you going to go through it in fear and only enjoy the ride after you're home and safe?

I don't see life being any different.

From here on out I'm determined to enjoy every part of life; the ups, the downs, the loops, and the twists. Here's to raising my hands in the air in trust and surrender.

Who's with me?

Don't let my attempts at a sophisticated look fool you...I'm a nature girl at heart who would shed any shoe (heel, flat, or flip flop) to walk around barefoot. And today, with the public park to myself, I did just that. The gardens had not been groomed for the season so rabbit and deer droppings were scattered around, but I walked barefoot nonetheless.

As I meandered my way through the garden I realized my head was constantly starring at the ground since it was like walking through a minefield. While I don't mind rocks and twigs and even tree sap, I don't prefer to walk through dung so my eyes were glued to wherever I was about to place my foot. Yet throughout this entire time I carried in my hand my boots that would have allowed me to look up and enjoy the woods around me...but I never stopped to put them on my feet.

How many times do I walk through life with my eyes fixed on the ground looking out for mines and trip wires when I could stop being so stubborn and guard myself with God's truth that I've been holding in my hand all this time? "Because I want to really feel the earth between my toes" I justify to myself, "How can I be a part of the world if I don't feel it?"

Just by putting a shoe on my foot does not mean I can fly, I still walk on and feel the ground beneath me. My foot will still squish down where it's muddy, it will still slide where it is slippery, and it will also move with ease where the ground is paved. All it means is that I now have the freedom to look up and around without fear of stepping in anything unwanted and having it get my foot all sticky and...well...gross.

God's truth doesn't stop us from experiencing life, instead it enriches our lives so we can enjoy it to the fullest without finding ourselves stuck in the filthiest dung of life. So why don't we put so much care into guarding ourselves with His truth? Because we're too stubborn and foolish...that's why. ;p

I drove up to Saratoga today in search of a park big enough to enjoy some quiet air. Yaddo Gardens seemed like the appropriate safe haven with such a gorgeous display of fountains and flowers in a garden so tucked away even locals forget about it. Upon calling my mother to request directions she mentioned, "You know it's probably too early for flowers." That statement lingered in my mind but I kept going towards my chosen destination anyways.

When I got there it certainly lacked the beauty I remember but somehow it also lacked disappointment. It's roman trellises were not overflowing with luscious flowers, it's luxurious fountains were not yet turned on, and it's marble statues were still hidden in their weather resistant encasings. The remnants of winter's harsh desolation were still prevalent, but somehow not overpowering.

I found a rose bush that, in the summer, blooms alongside rows of columns and other bushes lining a pathway on both sides and where vines overhang on the trellises to create a majestic alleyway. Only right now all I saw were twig like branches covered in thorns instead of flowers and leaves. Being one of those people that need to touch and poke and feel, I tested the sharpness of those thorns; prickly as they may be they didn't hurt when touched with tender curiosity. As I was so close to the bush I noticed small little points toward the outer limbs of the bush, at first mistaking them for smaller thorns, but it was only because I was inches away from the branches that I could see the differentiation that these were small buds. Remembering what the rose bush looks like in summer, I knew it was only a matter of months until you would have to walk up equally as close to notice the thorns behind the blossoming roses.

Again my mother's statement passed through my mind like the chilling breeze. Why is it that we only care to visit these gardens when they are at their peak season? Is it because we need it's impeccable elegance to find enjoyment? Or is it because we only smile at the result of steadfast hope and endurance? Or is it to escape to a land full of flawless beauty because our own lives lack it so entirely?

I guarantee the gardener doesn't see it like that. The gardener is there overlooking the garden during the painful blizzards. He is there after the snow melts and unveils the garden like a defeated battlefield. He is there in the quiet months when all the growth begins down below, unseen. Constantly the gardener is tending the surrounding grounds that these plants will rise to call home. And when they sprout he makes sure they get the necessary nourishment both from nature's good care and from his own attentive care. Then when summer comes, and summer goes the gardener watches the season's flowers shed and he waits in excitement for the day they blossom again, never once leaving them unattended.

I can say without a doubt that the gardener appreciates the summer's flowers far more than the seasonal visitor, not just because of his laborious love but because he knows the weather they endured and the strength they required to grow again. He looks at the blossoms clothed with incomparable beauty, and knows where they flourished from.

But more so, he looks at those plants year round like I am looking at them now. I may see barren bushes and empty flower beds without a single blossom in sight, but there is a smile on my face that equals, if not exceeds, my joy on a bright summer day because I know what they will become and they are no less beautiful now. They are but an unpolished diamond that only the gardener can appreciate because he sees them at their full bloom no matter the season. And one day soon tourists and locals, strangers and friends, will come to see their blossoms and walk away not knowing they missed out on the flowers' full year-round allure.

As I sat there, barefoot in the middle of a depleted fountain, I knew I belonged there for I too have a Gardener that is with me in my seasons of prosper and my seasons of distress. And yet everyday my Gardener looks at me as if I were in full bloom whether the world notices my flowers over my thorns, or my thorns over my flowers.

So, mom, the flowers are not blossoming yet, but the garden is just as exquisite. And when the flowers do blossom and embellish the already existing beauty with ravishing elegance...I will smile just like I did as I walked through the garden today for today I too saw their bloom.

It is a common misconception that happiness arrives out of getting what you want, in reality it is as simple a thing to achieve as focusing on what you have rather than on what you don’t have.

Us Americans have been spoiled; spoiled rotten. We are used to having a certain sense of control in a national, state, county, town, community, and personal level. Or, more accurately, a false sense of control. Now I do not mean this as a governmental commentary, but rather a psychological one because realistically no one, not even governmental laws, can control circumstance. The only thing people can control is their reactions.

Am I saying that the secret to life is to become a doormat to the events in life and let circumstance determine the outcome of my life? Certainly not. When unfortunate events happen it is crucial to either find it’s redeemable circumstances or find a way to change it. Worrying and complaining does nothing to change circumstance, all it does is put you in a mood that increases the difficulty of seeking a resolution.

The secret, I have found, is to accept that it is only in how you handle your circumstances that you can gain control of life. Unexpected events are guaranteed in life, and they cannot be planned around. The only advice I can offer you is to keep your head in the game when things don’t go your way, and either smile for its redeemable parts and find a way to change the unbearable.

Similarly stated by a well quoted poem:

“God, grant us the...
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time,
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other, and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.”

This is my secret. This is why I smile.