I love climbing trees, but if it's not safe I'd much rather sit and read in the grass. So I did what any sensible person would do, I called up an expert.
The landscaper showed up at two-thirty for our three o'clock appointment. Surprising, I know. But I didn't mind. He examined the lawn briefly and told me not to worry, the grass was harmless. He kind of chuckled at my worries, finding me far too paranoid, but continued on with his work.
He began examining the tree; he walked around it, measured it, touched it, even tasted a piece of it's bark. I didn't ask. I figured he had some strange reasoning.
"She's a beauty alright. But she's not supposed to be here. Winter weather's taking a toll on her, it's a wonder she even survived this long. Being so close to your house it's not safe, we're going to have to-
"Don't cut it down! Maybe...trim some branches?"
The concern in his voice deepening. "Look ma'am, she's a beauty she is. But you're too close to her. One more tough winter and this tree is falling down, probably taking your house with it."
A moment of silence held on for a few minutes before a deep sigh escaped from my lungs. "You know, you're right. It needs to go. Beautiful as it is, I just can't risk that. It needs to go."
"I know a guy, he can take care of it. I can make a quick phone call and it'll be gone as quick and painless as ripping off a bandaid."
Upon agreeing the man gave me a stern look. "I know you don't want to see it go, but it's beauty is not worth the danger. Trust me."
"Yeah I know. I'm sad to see it go, but I know it needs to happen. Make the phone call."
His stern look, now so intense, like a father watching his child make a life long mistake.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Am I not supposed to get rid of it just yet? Maybe I should wait. I knew it didn't feel right. Nature will take it when it's meant to go. Right?"
His face softened as he stepped towards the tree. "No, you made the right decision. The tree needs to-"
"Then why did you give me that look? You're confusing me! Can you just tell me what I should do? No double meaning, no hints, just say what you mean. I can't deal with trying to read between the lines and figure out what you're saying. It's impossible, you know? One way or the other, it goes or it doesn't. It's as simple as that. I'll do whatever you say without question...if you just come right out and SAY it!"
The man waited patiently, never trying to interrupt. He was listening, but I didn't notice. All I saw was the smile on his face, seemingly mocking me as he stated, "This tree is not supposed to be here. I tried to say that but you didn't-"
"I was listening! I told you to take it down, and yet you did nothing. You're guy should have been here to rip out the tree by now, isn't that what you said? So why isn't he here?!"
"That is exactly what I said." He gave a slight pause and continued walking until he was right next to me, reaching out his arm. "But before it can go, you need to climb down."
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