This should have been posted back in January. I knew it should've but I didn't. It was too recent at the time and my pride got in the way. My sincerest apologies. I pray it can still be of some use.

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Everyone knows that people who are anorexic have a fixation on losing weight. There is no other logical option for why someone would choose to starve themselves. So my friends who have a healthy self-esteem are not at risk. If they’re comfortable and happy with their weight, I don’t have to worry about them. Wrong. Wrong. And wrong!

I used to agree with the statements above. If anyone told me that anorexia could be stumbled into unintentionally, I would have looked at them like they had an elephant trunk for a nose. First off because I absolutely loved food, and second because it doesn’t make sense that you could starve yourself without realizing it.

But unfortunately you can, I can, and I did. (Please stop looking at me like that, I promise I don’t have any elephant features.) The same way you stumble into someone walking on a sidewalk, you can stumble into anorexia. It’s a matter of lost focus.

Maybe it’s the phone in your hand, the person you’re talking to, or the annoying person you’re desperately trying to avoid. Whatever the reason, you stumble into something you didn’t mean to because you weren’t focused on the right thing.

So if you’re in a situation where you have any sort of lose of appetite, you are just at risk of anorexia as someone who chooses not to eat. That is, of course, if you aren’t intentional about eating.


Let me explain my story a little:
Like I said, I loved food. A good meal could seriously make my day. Whether it was a cookie, sweet potatoes, or my favorite macaroni salad; food was the best cure.

It wasn't the easiest two weeks of my life; this suburban girl just started commuting into a major city, to a school I didn't know, and without a friend or roommate in the area at the time. Following a 24-hour bug and an anxiety attack that left me in the emergency room, my appetite dropped drastically. It’s not that I hated food, I simply just didn’t think about it. I was living on my own for a couple weeks and so I had no one to eat meals with, I was adapting to a new schedule, and eating just escaped my mind.

A few days later my stomach began to feel funny. Afraid I was getting nauseous and sick again, I ran to the store and grabbed some Tums. In retrospect, I was clearly hungry but at the time my brain no longer understood the feeling.

For the next week I continued eating Tums like candy, preventing any upset feeling in my stomach. Occasionally I would eat some food like a bored person to a bag of chips, but it never really was a conscious decision.

Somewhere along the way it finally came to my attention that I wasn’t consuming what I should be. My guess would be when I as preparing to go on a trip with a bunch of friends and recognizing I needed to plan money for food. Food? I haven’t had much food lately. Wait. Oops.

After bringing it up with my mother she recommended eating a meal bar. These contained the protein I needed, but in small amounts for my stomach. So my new diet: Tums and meal bars.

I was never one to care about weight number. I’ve been the same weight for the past 12 years with very little fluctuation even on and off sport seasons. But I happened to step on a scale one day and WHOA! I haven’t weighed this little since I began weighing myself in middle school. My first thought: this scale is broken. In my head there was no reason for me to have lost that much weight. But alas the scale was proven to be accurate.

The feeling that came over me at that moment were ones 95% of you, the readers, will not understand. You can try, but you won’t really understand. One of my friends, we’ll call her Alexa, had heard this story. Her immediate response to the unintentional weight loss:

“I wish I had your problem.”

She wasn’t alone. Many people I confided in were fruitless in any form of accountability as they proved to respond the same way as her.

Be careful what you wish for. Alexa got exactly what she said she wished for. Alexa had been on some new medication causing a loss of appetite. Knowing how shocked I was to see my weight loss, I eventually got Alexa on a scale.

She stood there staring at the number that appeared before quietly stepping aside, put on her shoes, and walked out of the nurse’s office. Once we got outside, refusing to look at me, she whispered that she can’t remember when her weight was so low. She knew her appetite had decreased a lot over the months, but she was floored to see exactly how much she lost.

After a good conversation she realized she was in the same place I was four months before. It was now that she looked at me and apologized for wanting my problem. She finally understood the gravity of it.

It’s a mix of excitement and guilt. Sure you’re glad you lost weight, but then it hits you that you lost it due to starvation. No, you’re stomach may not have wanted the food but your body needed it. Desperately!

We were now in it together to start eating healthy again. But it’s not so easy as a simple decision. Like going off of greasy foods for months, our bodies didn’t like the feeling of digesting anymore. Often we would eat a small snack and spend the next hour or two on the couch with an ache and pain in our stomachs.

Essentially we were given a slap on the wrist for being kind to a stranger, while given a reward for stealing from a friend. The less we ate, the seemingly happier our bodies were.

It was a long road. Admitting there was a problem wasn’t even half of it. Alexa and I, love food. We always have and we always will. But for a brief time in both our lives, out stomachs couldn’t handle consumption.

While anorexia is no longer an issue for me, continuing to eat healthy amounts of food always will be. From here on out it simply has to be intentional. Like a child learning to ride a bike, you can tuck away what you’ve learned for years but it only takes one ride until you’re back in the game.


Don’t worry, this story has a happy ending. My food consumption is healthy, and my love for food has not died. In fact, I now love cooking food just as much as eating it. And just like every other thing of the past, so long as you recognize how you got to where you were...it’s harder to ‘stumble’ back in that direction ever again.

Intentionality...that’s your strongest prevention tool.



Myths Exploited
1. Anorexia begins with the desperate desire to lose weight
2. Anorexia only effects those with low self-esteem
3. It’s always an intentional choice to not eat food

Society glamorizes and glorifies it to a point where anyone who doesn't take part is often seen as an outcast. It is society's 'right of passage' so to speak. Whether 'everyone's doing it' is true or not, everyone is in fact expected to take part.

How are Christians supposed to respond to this message when God clearly states that sex outside of marriage is wrong? What do you do when teaching the unmarried about sex? Do you tell them what a beautiful thing it is, they just can't have it right now? Or do you tell them how bad of a thing it is if they have it right now?

While sex is not inherently wrong it is outside of marriage, and over the centuries the church has tried to grapple with how to address this issue. Today, America's Christian culture has decided to side with teaching sex as a hands off issue. Most of the churches, however, will have the sense to clarify that it is only 'hands off' outside of marriage, but sadly that is not always so.

It's understandable to teach it that way. It's even a biblical truth. But does that mean we're approaching it correctly?

By the age of ten, probably even younger now, a child growing up in the church knows that sex outside of marriage is a big no no. But all of that negative teaching resonates over the years. Yes it's wrong out of the context of marriage, but it is right within the context of marriage. Where are those lessons?

Sure, it's a fine line you're walking on with that because you then cause curiosity (and we all know what killed the cat). Which is why most churches put those lessons few and very very far between. My guess is that is why God put Song of Solomon in the Bible. He knew somewhere along the way we would have issues and misconceptions that sex was bad altogether and He wanted to assure us how inaccurate that is.

My goodness, for growing up in the church I have yet to hear more than one...ONE lesson on that book of the Bible. After all, it's considered to be the book you read only when you're married. *insert eyes rolling here*

But, as Jesus always did, I like to look for a third seemingly unknown option.

Instead of teaching that sex is good in the context of marriage, and that it is bad outside of the context of marriage, I propose we teach that it is absolutely beautiful ONLY in the context of marriage. And it would probably come out something like this:


Sex is like a good joke in that a good joke can make anyone laugh. A good joke can be shared and enjoyed whether you understand the meaning or not. Sex is like that. We were made to enjoy it. Anyone in or out of marriage, can find pleasure in it.

But.

Even though a good joke can make everyone laugh, the beauty of it's complexity is only fully understood and enjoyed by someone who understands the entire context of the joke. And according to those people who fully comprehend and enjoy the joke, those who missed it's context missed out on the entire joke overall; whether they happened to laugh or not.

Sex is no different. Yes, it is pleasurable to everyone, but its complexity and beauty is only understood in marriage. To skip marriage and just reach for sex's pleasure is to read the final page in a very gripping book. While sex outside of marriage is wrong...it's mostly foolish.

God has reasons behind why things are wrong. And the reasoning behind this is one is because outside of marriage it gives you such a degraded view of sex. You only get to see .5% of it's beauty, and you're tricked into thinking that's all there is to it. And, quite simply, that breaks His heart.

So the bottom line:
God wants you to wait because He doesn't want you to sell yourself short.

The water in the creek was just cool enough to mask me from the heat of the sun, the trees danced in the wind, and the birds sung in a conversational chorus. Like nature's percussion I heard the rustling of leaves as I follow the bends of that small gem of a creek. Moments later the sounds of children laughing floated in with the breeze as the cheerful voices grew louder. And then I saw it. The gentle elevating cliff like a lip alongside the water. All of a sudden a young girl and boy wove in and out of the treeline, chasing one another with joy.

There I was, long blonde hair pulled back into two adorable pony tails with ribbons that matched my school dress. And little freckle faced Jimmy running close behind, still clinging helplessly to his school books. He never was able to keep up with me. Oh, but that scrawny kid always tried.

I suppose if you were to ask him he would say that he was always able to tag me, and he would say it with such an air of certainty you would know he believed it himself. Nothing was ever impossible to little Jimmy. That ginger haired kid would have told you he could jump to the moon, knowing for sure that he could if only he would try.

Our parents didn't like it much, our constant trips to the creek after school, they would always scold us for coming home in our school clothes sopping wet. It was the rope swing we loved so much that got us in trouble, we simply couldn't resist it on a warm spring day.

Little Jimmy's parents often gave him a stern look telling him he should know better and then gave him a pat on the back as they shrug it off and forgot. Mine however were positively cruel. Their favorite punishment was to revoke the privilege of choosing a treat when we went to visit the local sweet shop. Watching my sisters pine over choosing the Crunchie bar or the new Mars Bar was the worst. However, their best efforts did little to prevent Jimmy and I from returning to that beloved creek again the next week.

Little Jimmy and I, we had so many adventures. One summer we stole some twine from the old farmhouse and made a small raft out of sticks and twigs. When finished Jimmy insisted on being the captain so he could stand up tall using a branch to steer and push us along when the current was slow. The proud smirk he wore on his face would have you believing he owned the land. Though I don't know if he ever noticed the small branch I had by my side at all times helping him move us along. Come to think of it, it probably would have broken that little kid's heart if he did.

Oh, the stories we shared together.

But little Jimmy and I never spent time together past those childhood school days, for little Jimmy never grew up. He left us, his family and I, long before his time. Or at least that's what I had been told by so many adults trying to make a little girl feel better. It was known as the town tragedy, the event no one spoke of after that fateful summer.

But little Jimmy will forever be remembered as Little Jimmy; always smiling and always on another adventure to save the world. He truly thought he could do anything. And the way I remember it, he could have.


"Shelly is here to see you ma'am." A voice brought me away from the woods to a small stuffy room that made me itch from imaginative oppression.

"Wh--" is all I could make out. I don't even remember what my mouth was trying to say, but it didn't work. The bridge between my mind and my mouth collapsed long ago. My mind still trying to linger in the woods by the creek.

Thankfully my bewildered eyes must have communicated my confusion to the woman because this time she threw the words from her mouth like a shout, even though it came out as a whisper, "Ma'am. Kelly is here to see you." Her head nodded with each slow syllable as her eyes starred straight into mine ensuring the message got through.

Kelly? That name brought up images like a slideshow of a blonde haired woman with a smile in her eyes. But I couldn't remember. She looked so familiar but no matter how hard I tried to recall why I knew her, I simply couldn't place her.

The visitor walked into the room; blonde hair, brown eyes, and a timidity to her step. With flowers and a balloon in hand she stepped towards me but instead of the smile from my memory, concern filled her eyes.

As she placed the wildflowers by my bed and let the balloon soar to the ceiling, she grasped my hand in love. And with a raised voice, as quiet as the last, she forced a half smile on her face and said, "Happy Birthday, Mom."

The end of the world has been in much discussion as of late; among Christians, atheists, agnostics and more. It's the whole May 21st prediction that has everyone buzzing.

The common thread I keep hearing is that the world can end whenever, just "Let me find my [spouse]...then I'll be fine." That's all anyone seems to care about whether they believe in rapture, global warming, or a huge asteroid blowing up the earth.

Naturally I am both irked, intrigued, and slightly ashamed. Irked because everyone likes to think of marriage as a climactic happily ever after. Intrigued because the world focuses on one's value coming mostly from their career...and yet in the end all that matters is a spouse. And ashamed because I cannot claim to say I've never thought the same thing.

As I wondered how a workaholic could be explaining to me that the only true thing on his bucket list was to have a spouse...he unknowingly answered my question; "If I'm gonna die, I guess I would rather do it knowing that there was someone out there that I truly love, and loves me back."

Love.

That's all people want. It's not cultural, it's human. And it is entirely natural. It also goes much deeper than that. We desire love. Perfect love. The only sad part to that story is that kind of love can only be found one place, and it's not where we're looking for it. But the best part to the story is that perfect love is found in someone who already loves me, you...us! God's love. The one and only, and overly sufficient love of God is what we need and desire.

So while someday I hope to experience the love that comes with marriage...Father take me when you wish, cause I already have the only love I need. Thank you!

In my yard stands a tree and it's branches are at perfect height for climbing. It even has a few branches that dip just at the right spot to form a perfect lounge seat for me. But it's bark peels off on it's own, and its branches look slightly too weak for climbing.

I love climbing trees, but if it's not safe I'd much rather sit and read in the grass. So I did what any sensible person would do, I called up an expert.

The landscaper showed up at two-thirty for our three o'clock appointment. Surprising, I know. But I didn't mind. He examined the lawn briefly and told me not to worry, the grass was harmless. He kind of chuckled at my worries, finding me far too paranoid, but continued on with his work.

He began examining the tree; he walked around it, measured it, touched it, even tasted a piece of it's bark. I didn't ask. I figured he had some strange reasoning.

"She's a beauty alright. But she's not supposed to be here. Winter weather's taking a toll on her, it's a wonder she even survived this long. Being so close to your house it's not safe, we're going to have to-

"Don't cut it down! Maybe...trim some branches?"

The concern in his voice deepening. "Look ma'am, she's a beauty she is. But you're too close to her. One more tough winter and this tree is falling down, probably taking your house with it."

A moment of silence held on for a few minutes before a deep sigh escaped from my lungs. "You know, you're right. It needs to go. Beautiful as it is, I just can't risk that. It needs to go."

"I know a guy, he can take care of it. I can make a quick phone call and it'll be gone as quick and painless as ripping off a bandaid."

Upon agreeing the man gave me a stern look. "I know you don't want to see it go, but it's beauty is not worth the danger. Trust me."

"Yeah I know. I'm sad to see it go, but I know it needs to happen. Make the phone call."

His stern look, now so intense, like a father watching his child make a life long mistake.

"Why are you looking at me like that? Am I not supposed to get rid of it just yet? Maybe I should wait. I knew it didn't feel right. Nature will take it when it's meant to go. Right?"

His face softened as he stepped towards the tree. "No, you made the right decision. The tree needs to-"

"Then why did you give me that look? You're confusing me! Can you just tell me what I should do? No double meaning, no hints, just say what you mean. I can't deal with trying to read between the lines and figure out what you're saying. It's impossible, you know? One way or the other, it goes or it doesn't. It's as simple as that. I'll do whatever you say without question...if you just come right out and SAY it!"

The man waited patiently, never trying to interrupt. He was listening, but I didn't notice. All I saw was the smile on his face, seemingly mocking me as he stated, "This tree is not supposed to be here. I tried to say that but you didn't-"

"I was listening! I told you to take it down, and yet you did nothing. You're guy should have been here to rip out the tree by now, isn't that what you said? So why isn't he here?!"

"That is exactly what I said." He gave a slight pause and continued walking until he was right next to me, reaching out his arm. "But before it can go, you need to climb down."

Here I am, sitting down beside you. My back is straight my legs are crossed and my hands sit restfully in my lap. I am stone still beside you. Alive, but not moving. Everything seems as it should be. And, to be honest, it is. But if you were to look closer, straight into my eyes, you would see that things are different than you'd expect. I may be seated next to you, but that is not where I am.

Don't be alarmed, things are exactly as they should be. My thoughts are currently curled into the side of my Father like a child afraid of the unknown lurking in their dark bedroom at night. My body may shake of uncertainty, but my safety is so lovingly reassured.

It is here that I pray:

You have placed these paths in front of me;
One to choose and one to leave behind.
Tears have been shed in exchange for clarity
Yet the balance holds gold and feathers equally.

My feet hold stronger than concrete
They cannot move in opposites.
Though my hand is tightly in Your grasp
I am assured I cannot stray from Here.

Strength and patience dissipate
My mind aches in strain.
A deep sigh of relief within,
I have nothing left but You.

Long have I pleaded guidance
To make clear the better choice.
A new request varies as east from west;
Disregard past prayers and pleas.

Each side of the fork share different joys,
How do I choose diamonds from crystals?
Let me not simply smile at either,
Allow me the strength to walk away from both.

Hesitancy is bred in thoughts of leaving behind
It fears drowning the soul in 'What if?'
If on the right and the left hesitancy is surpassed,
The cuffs binding certainty may be released.

You make it clear which paths not to tread
It is the good and right that I fear choosing.
One to choose, one to leave behind,
I only seek to find that I need neither.

Beside You I could go anywhere,
I am merely limited to one.
You are my refuge and my solace,
I cannot go wrong beside You.

Here in Your arms I find peace;
Rest for the weary and power for the weak.
It is here that I remain;
Calm in uncertainty and confident in choice.

I am sitting next to you on the bench soaking up the sunshine. I may smile and say hi, carry on some small talk. But all the while my thoughts remain curled up there with my Father. They will be for a couple days now but like I said "things are exactly as they should be."

Life, with it's ups and downs, is a roller coaster. You've heard the analogy, you know it's true. Now let me explain to you one more aspect of that analogy that rings true as well.

For those of you who have ever experienced the thrill of a roller coaster ride you know there are two general reactions. First you have the fear stricken who grasps to the seat questioning why on earth they even got on the ride. And second you have the enthusiast seeking to enjoy every moment with their arms up high.

I've been both.

When you go through the ride with eyes closed tight and knuckles white from hanging on, you can't enjoy it. Well, not fully. Instead you're too full of fear at what might happen that you don't get the thrill.

Meanwhile the person next to you is fully trusting and waves their arms in the air from start to finish to gain the entire experience of the thrill. They trust the seat to hold them and keep them safe that they aren't relying on their ability to hold tight. Their ride is pure enjoyment whether they're climbing the hill, thrown through a loop, or headed full speed downhill.

All it comes down to is a decision; are you going to surrender to the ride in trust to enjoy the entire ride, or are you going to go through it in fear and only enjoy the ride after you're home and safe?

I don't see life being any different.

From here on out I'm determined to enjoy every part of life; the ups, the downs, the loops, and the twists. Here's to raising my hands in the air in trust and surrender.

Who's with me?