You're sitting in a room with a handful of people. Maybe it's a classroom, maybe it's a conference room, but it's an enclosed room. You sit there listening to the conversation taking place, a discussion jumping from one voice to the next and then back again to the first.
All the while in the back of your mind, like a whisper you can't get rid of, is the ticking of the second hand on the clock hanging from the wall. At first you just ignore it. But after a while you start to get antsy. It's not because the ticking gets louder, or faster, it's because it won't go away.
You try your best to focus on the voices in the room. But the whisper won't go away.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
You stand up and pace about the room, still focusing on the discussion at hand. The people talking. They're talking about...something. What were they talking about? Something to do with....something. It was....
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
You know this. It was interesting. And. Umm. Relevant.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.
You can't think anymore. You try so hard to ignore the whisper, but you can't. So you head for the door.
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.
The door handle. It won't turn. Why won't it turn? You need to get out of there. Why can't you? There's no reason this should be locked!
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.
Now the faint whisper has grown to a loud metronome. The seconds tick away as you try to leave the room.
TICK-TOCK, TICK-TOCK.
You can't escape. The ticking won't stop.
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.
You give up. You sit down again. What are they talking about?
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.
The shouting clock has returned to a whisper. You focus harder on the conversation.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.
Something about people.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
And international...something.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Minutes continue on as your entire body is trying to focus on the dialogue taking place. You still hear the seconds tick by, even after you are able to focus on the topic being discussed.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
The sound is still there, ticking away, as you mind tries so hard to focus elsewhere.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
All you've done now is managed to split your attention.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Half of your brain is unwillingly focused on the ticking of the clock, while the other half exerts all its energy to focus on the conversation.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.
The ticking of the clock won't go away, so you make do. But you're exhausted. Your brain needs rest. It used most of its energy just listening to the conversation, so forget actually interacting.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.
Your peers don't understand. It was a thought provoking discussion, but nothing more. Nothing exhausting. Nothing mentally straining.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
But you. You can't think farther than trying to rest. So you go home and collapse on the couch.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
It's still there? Why hasn't it stopped yet?
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
This time you don't ignore it. Instead you listen closer.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
It wasn't the clock on the wall. It wasn't the seconds passing by. It was your heart beating.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
That's why you felt it in your chest. Pounding to the beat.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
That's why you feel it pulse through your veins.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
It just won't stop.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
It just keeps going, and going.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
For some reason, your mind won't distract itself from it. It just hears and feels the pounding.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
Beat, after beat. It won't go away. You're stuck with it.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
And so you accept it. You can't change it. You manage.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
So you lie there. Giving in. Listening to it beat.
Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk. Thu-dunk.
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Author's note:
What you have just read gives you a glimpse into the life and feeling of someone suffering from anxiety. From the outside it looks like nothing. It seems silly when their heart rate goes up and all of the sudden they freak themselves out, causing an anxiety attack.
Everyone knows that the more you think about an increased heart rate, the more you worry and the more it escalates. So why do they keep thinking about it? Because most times they can't not think about it. They always feel it pounding; every moment of every day. It's not a choice for them. So the faster it beats, the less their brain can focus on something else...anything else.
They simply.....lose control.
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