I think America's number one priority is convenience. We value time so much that everything gets tossed to the side and we settle for lower quality jobs and relationships because it is all about how much we can do in a little amount of time.
What we end up getting is this thing called "convenient relationships." Which, in my opinion, are merely disguises. A true relationship cannot be focused on saving time because a relationship is built on spending and investing time. In a way I guess you could say that a "convenient relationship" is actually a contradiction.
Americans even have a name for those "inconvenient relationships." It's called "growing apart." And in many circumstances that is true. Life takes people many different ways. The relationship becomes inconvenient. And sometimes relationships will take a step down from there. Both parties will find other people to take the position of valued friendship, though never replace the person. And that's life. But what cannot happen is people continue to claim the title of a highly valued relationship, when the effort has been set aside.
(Side note: amount of quality of conversation and interaction is the best, but not only, indicator of a valued relationship. Rarely, though it does happen, experience and trust covers for lack of conversation and interaction. So don't ever expect a relationship to survive off of the past.)
And honestly, I'm sick of it! I can't stand being a part of it anymore! I'm sorry, if you want a convenient relationship with me I'm not going to bother. If you aren't willing to invest time into the relationship (both convenient and inconvenient time) than clearly the relationship doesn't mean much to you. What you make time for is what you value.
Now understand I don't expect everyone to do this for every person in their life. There isn't enough time for that, realistically speaking. I understand that many people "grow apart" and not every relationship can be saved.
I just beg this one thing of you, if you do "grow apart" accept it! Don't try to cling to the title of value when priorities have already shifted. It frustrates me when people merely claim to maintain that special sort of relationship; best friend, unrelated sibling, or anything else of the sort. If you claim a higher value to that relationship I expect you'll act on keeping the value on it.
I've been realizing how many "convenient relationships" I have right now that have a valued label and I simply can't stand it at all! It's all fake! A fraud! They want the title (and they do originally deserve it) but eventually stop trying to maintain it. Most of them are willing to inconvenience themselves when there's a difficult situation going on, but never just because it's been a while since we have caught up. That, my readers, is called being a good person, not being a good friend.
I can list several names of people who's friendships were lost because they became inconvenient. But I at least try to fight against the inconvenience. If there is any sort of communication from them, there will always be a response...and shortly after. Even if there isn't communication, I will go out of my way to communicate with them. But sometimes I feel like I'm the only one fighting against the inconvenience of life. So eventually I stop trying. Relationships are two-way streets people! One side of the street can't hold it together forever.
So here is my resolution to all of this:
I value my relationships and will continue to keep them alive and functioning (preferably growing) no matter how difficult and taxing, but I promise you I will not settle anymore. As soon as I notice that a valued relationship has become a one-way street for far too long without circumstance, I will simply (though brokenheartedly) bow out and accept its fate. It's called being phased out, and I understand now when my fight has become a nag to them.
I'm sorry, I can't keep doing it to myself. To have so many close relationships put all the weight on me is taxing and not worth it. I can tell you I will miss all of the "grown apart" relationships. I always do. I remember them all, and continuously wish I didn't lose their valued friendship. But it happened.
Keeping people around that claim a valued relationship but don't actually apply the value is hurtful to how I view myself and how I view relationships. Although it breaks my heart to let people go, sometimes that's just what needs to happen. There are other people out there (supposedly) who understand that a valued relationship means sacrifices from both parties of all sorts of circumstances, and those people are the once worth placing higher value on the relationship.
Just understand that I will willing take the effort to restore that valued relationship as soon as they are willing to share in the effort.
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