The first signs that spring is around the corner is when the vibrant blues and greens replace the solemn colors of white and gray. When I awake at daylight to the sweet choruses sung by the birds I hear them luring spring to follow them home. But today was the day when spring officially arrived. Although the drab colors of white and gray have been gone for a couple months, and the birds have been chirping for the past couple weeks, it wasn’t until today that spring arrived.

Maybe I haven’t been outside for months, but even without exiting this brick building, I can still tell that spring has come. It may sound dumb, and it may sound silly but it was the fan resting by my bed that told me it was spring. With my fan set to high and the breeze aimed directly on my face, I no longer felt the chilling air upon my skin.

As the breeze hit my face I closed my eyes and imagined I was standing out under the bright blue sky as the spring breeze blew past me. It was the kind of breeze that fills you with joy. It’s not the stinging breeze of the winter, but the gentle hug as the warm breeze passes by.

Spring is here when that breeze is not something to be dreaded, but something to be enjoyed. Spring is the one time in the year where I find I can close my eyes and convince myself I am outside. The other seasons come and go and the only connection I have to the outside is the big window to the left of my bed.

It’s nice to at least see the view of the outside, but sometimes I feel like the window is taunting me. I see the green grass I once took for granted, and the trees I used to climb. I can even see the blue sky I used to lie under trying to make shapes with the clouds and stars above. But it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do any of those things. While my window shows me all that I’m missing and all that I’ve missed out on over the past sixteen months and 21 days, I’m stuck here in this bed barely able to sit up.

As much as I miss being able to stand and run around with my nieces and nephews, I’ve lost sight of what it means to stand and run. Yes I know what it looks like to be someone standing next to my bed with a sympathetic look or what it looks like when my 3 year old niece runs through the room to say hi to me, but my body no longer knows what it feels like. It lacks so much energy that standing seems impossible and even sitting up is like running a marathon. But the outside, that is what I miss most. I don’t have to be able to stand or run to enjoy nature and all that God made, it’s not something my body forgets what it feels like or my mind forgets about. No, it’s what the window sometimes torments me with.

So yes, spring is my favorite season cause with the fan blowing on my face I finally have the chance to trick my mind into thinking I am outside where I long to be.