We're pregnant!! First time parents, and pregnant!! After we found out we were pregnant, we had 'the talk.' You know, the talk of who to tell and when. It's a major decision that every couple handles differently.
Wait, they said.
Everyone else does these days.
Imagine having to retract the announcement if tragedy hit, they warned me.
That was the advice of faceless women and articles on the internet written by strangers. The big "what if" looming over me constantly. So, being the pessimist that I am, I listened. And waited. We decided to tell only a few people, the ones that we would want to know if we did miscarry. So we didn't tell very many people.
But I wish we had.
A week or so later, the nausea hit. That uncomfortable, wish I were dead, overpowering nausea. Some days were fine, but others were unbearable. So as my husband's three week trip approached, we decided to tell a few more people but we still didn't tell everyone in our close circle.
With every announcement people shared their excitement...while I plastered on a smile. How could I not be happy? We wanted to start a family. We should be happy we didn't have to battle infertility like so many other couples do. But I wasn't happy. I was miserable. Our good news was overshadowed by my horrible morning sickness.
It came time for my husband to leave on his work trip, followed by two weeks out of the country. The first week was hard. Nausea kept hitting me and making me not want to eat so family came down for a few days to help me eat, and I made it through the week.
The second week I was doing okay. I wasn't eating a lot on my own, but I was meeting up with people and eating. I was managing. But then it hit full force. I finally got around to eating late in the evening, but by then it was too late. My body had since decided it didn't want to keep anything down. The next day was followed by attempting different foods and liquids, but my body kept rejecting everything.
On a weekend in July, it's not surprising that most of the friends we told about our pregnancy were on vacation. So I had to tell a few family and friends about the good news followed by "I need to go to the hospital." That's not exactly the way I envisioned sharing the 'happy' news.
Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Also known as, morning sickness times one hundred.
There I was, severely dehydrated with an IV in my arm and a husband out of the country. I had friends from out of town who got their girls' weekend disrupted by my hospital stay, but we made the best of it. Meanwhile, I couldn't help thinking how many people would be upset to know that I was in the hospital without telling them.
Truthfully, I wanted them to know. I needed their support. But how do you tell someone that you're in the hospital without them asking you what for? And if they live nearby, what would you tell them if they wanted to visit you? It's not a secret when they admit you to a room in the maternity wing. I had already spent that weekend telling four people that I was pregnant followed by "but I'm in the hospital." Announcing your pregnancy (especially your first) should be fun! Exciting! Creative! I didn't want to ruin the good news anymore that weekend.
I made my bed, now I had to sleep in it. Even if that bed was now a hospital bed. I wasn't admitted for long, but it still felt like a dirty secret. And I felt bad keeping it a secret. By this time, I wanted to shout from the rooftops, just so I could stop hiding it from people. But my husband still wasn't back yet.
When he finally got back we slowly began telling more people...but not quick enough. Another bout of miserable nausea left me dehydrated and in the hospital again. So now, having been fully rehydrated from my last hospital visit, we began telling everyone our news. We're not waiting any longer!
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What I wouldn't give to have told everyone that we were pregnant before my husband left for three weeks. What I would have done for the emotional and physical support. Suffering in silence is not worth it!
I've read countless testimonies of women who announced their pregnancy, and then miscarried, who offer their words of advice to wait. It feels like there are more women who tell you to wait, then there are stories saying that they wish they had announced it but didn't. I'm sure if I had miscarried I would feel differently, but that's not how my story went. Instead I ended up in the hospital twice and felt like I couldn't tell anyone. So I'm adding to that measly little pile of stories explaining why I wish we had announced our pregnancy earlier.
