Ever have a song that you come across and you realize that, if your life had a soundtrack, this song would be the cover title and inspiration? Well the following song is mine...


And this is why...


I've always wanted to make a difference...on a large scale. Not for the money, or for the fame. It wouldn't matter to me if people remembered my name or my face. In fact, I always thought it'd be easier if they didn't know me. I simply wanted to see people changed. I always have.


Ever since I can remember, I have always dreamed that I would make a splash in this world and this society. It was always accompanied with that feeling of drive and ambition...a need to make it happen. I didn't care so much about how to make a difference, I cared more about making a difference. I didn't care if it was public speaking, writing, or videography. I only knew that this desire in me to make a difference would always be there. And no matter what I did or where I was in life, it never did go away.


But over the past two years, that desire to make a huge difference did fade. I barely even realized it slipped away. But it never died completely...it was just sitting in the, very far, back of my mind. So far back I almost abandoned it altogether at one point. And although I didn't know it at the time, it was killing me to try letting go of that dream. And luckily, I never did. And never could.


You see, I've been living in the infamous "Christian bubble" for the past three and a half years. It's not like I was naive about the goings on outside the bubble, because I was certainly very aware. No, it was the perspective. It's one thing to be looking from the outside of society's bubble...it's another to be looking around while you're immersed in it.


When you're immersed in a culture, you feel more attached. And it's that attachment to the culture that so fueled my desire to make a difference. Living in a culture that is missing out on the greatest source of love, wisdom, and joy...I can't help but need to make a difference! Not for my sake, but for theirs. Not by my power, but by God's.


I don't care how God uses me to make a difference. Whether it be something I do for a career, something I do as a hobby, it doesn't matter. Maybe it's a change that won't kick in until after I die. Maybe it will just be a difference that is so subtle I never see my impact. I don't care. All I care is that God has placed this drive, this passion, this desire in my life to impact so many people in such a huge way, and I will strive for that until the end of my days.


To not strive for making that kind of a difference, feels like abandoning who I am. And what I'm made for. So for those of you who have tried to stop me, or have tried to convince me to do anything else with my life...I'm sorry but I'm not giving this up. And I'm not sorry I was stubborn. I've realized there is a stubbornness there that is meant to be there. Because unless you are God, you have no say in what my Creator had in mind when He made me. I think everyone ought to be stubborn when people try to sway them away from what God has purposed for their life. And, well, this is my purpose and I intend on striving for it no matter what people say.


For some reason, He knew I was up for this and that I could handle it...though I don't know why. I'm not perfect and so I have no right changing others when I myself need changing. I know the sacrifices will be great, and I still doubt I'm strong enough to make them. But I have faith that God will give me all the tools necessary to fulfill His plan for my life. And beyond that, nothing else matters.


So I'd advise people to either support me, or leave me alone. Don't get in my way. Don't try to dampen my dream, or tell me I should give up. And don't you dare tell me I was made to do anything less than this. But in all honesty, though, you could be right. Maybe I could do something else with my life. Maybe I'm not even capable of making a difference. But what if you are the one who is wrong?? What if I truly was meant for this? Because I would rather die foolishly trying to make a difference than run the risk of abandoning God's purpose for my life. I think being a fool is a far better consequence than wasting my life not pursuing His purpose for my life.



So for the song that stars in my life soundtrack, the only edit I would suggest for the lyrics is wherever "I was here" is sung, I simply request it says "God is here." I don't need, nor require, that fame or legacy. But God deserves it, plus more. Much, much more.

I just humbly ask that I get to play a part in making a difference in the world for Him...whether I see the impact or not. With every fiber of my being I hope and pray to make the biggest difference possible for (and with) Him!

Do you have faith in the church, or do you have faith in God?

Seems like a dumb question, I suppose. But it's legit. Reading over some previous posts I realized this is exactly the question I struggled with during middle school and high school. My faith used to lie in the church, and so when the church/people in the church disappointed me...I lost faith.

Besides giving me more to share in my testimony, I think I finally realized exactly what God was doing in my high school years. He was trying to take me from a faith rooted in the church to a faith rooted in Him.

It's one of those difficult things to wrestle with when you grow up in the church. Which is probably why it put me through so much pain. God was showing me over and over again that the church does not save me, my faith cannot rely on the church. For all logical purposes, the church is comprised of sinners therefore the church will most definitely fail me. Just as it has failed you.

Whether you're a believer, atheist, or agnostic...THE CHURCH HAS AND WILL FAIL YOU! The difficult thing to remember in all that, is that God will NOT fail you. No matter what. He may not fit in your cardboard box of what you think He should be...but He never will truly fail you or abandon you.

Reading through Mark, I see this constant misunderstanding that the disciples have of Jesus. Miracle after miracle they remain baffled and confused trying to figure out who Jesus is. They just don't get it.

He heals lepers, casts out demons, calms storms, and every time the disciples sit there amazed and shocked. "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" (Mark 4:41b)

You would think that at least the disciples, of all people, would get that He is the Messiah. But they didn't. Time and time again, they still didn't.

After reading through several chapters I just want to sit there and knock their heads together. Over and over again they miss the clues. Jesus basically spelled it out for them, even. No wonder He got frustrated when they had such little faith in Him! I don't blame Him.


But then again, how many times have I missed the big clues and hints that are spelled out for me? So many times God has helped me through incredible things...and yet my faith remains a mustard seed. He's been feeding me sunshine and rain, and yet it is still so small.

Who am I to criticize the disciples...I do the same thing. Sure they had Jesus right there and they didn't get it...but I have the Holy Spirit right here and I don't get it most of the time. I should know better, that seed should have sprouted into this large plant by now...but it hasn't.

It's funny....mustard seeds sprout into shrubs really. Not this big plant that "grows up and becomes larger than all the other garden plants and puts out large branches, so that the birds of the air can make nests in its shade." (Mark 4:32) Mustard plants aren't typically huge in nature. So how can they grow to be larger than the rest of the garden plants?

My faith on my own will not be big. If I strive for my faith to grow and grow and grow, the best it can do is grow into a shrub. But God has bigger plans. He wants to make that tiny little seed that is meant for a shrub into the largest of all plants. He wants, and can, make a shrub into great Redwood.

It is possible for a person to have faith, and not let God be the living water that grows your faith. But it is a faith that falls short of the plans that God has for it. We can only grow so much and so far. God can grow us into something far beyond what we are capable of! We just have to let Him.